he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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