You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
