Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
