he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Help. Why am I so naked?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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