don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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