thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
