he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
