My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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