he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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