What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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