lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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