she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
