god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
