I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
