What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
