so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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