We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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