So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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