i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
