Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
