She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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