I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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