there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
