I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Terrible idea I love it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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