New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
