i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
