3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
