Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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