Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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