I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
