I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
