THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
