I got chris browned last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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