i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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