Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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