you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
