dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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