I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
