We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
