Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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