I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
