Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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