I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
