never play flip cup with pint glasses
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
