her vagine was all disorganized.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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