hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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