dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
