I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
