He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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