Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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