The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
