He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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