I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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