see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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