A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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