shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
