living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
