i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it because I queefed?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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