Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She bit a glass in half.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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